Boosting your teenager's confidence
We want to be there for our children, but it’s not always easy to step in and help as they grow more independent. However, they still need a bit of love and support once in a while even if it’s no longer about cuddles and kisses and bedtime stories together! With teenagers the problems tend to be fewer but much bigger, at least to them.
The teens are usually marked with self and social discovery fuelled with emotional and physical angst, a minefield of emotions exploding into starburst. It’s no wonder then that they could do with a helping hand in boosting their confidence.
Teenagers and the self-confidence crisis
Whilst a supportive upbringing can provide children with a great foundation as they go into their teenage years, genuine self-confidence in life is derived from successfully getting through personal experiences.
As children hit their teens they are dealing with new experiences all the time. Old enough to want to make their own decisions but inexperienced in how to take these new steps, the frustration and self-doubt they feel can be major Factors in the relationship breakdown between parents and their kids.
So, how can you help?
Before your teenager takes those first moves towards complete freedom (and you get into all kinds of collisions over dating, school work, money etc), doing your bit to boost your child’s confidence can be really important. It’s not always easy as a parent, either. Just because you’re the grown-up doesn’t mean you stop feeling daunted by your responsibilities, or helpless and frustrated sometimes as your child starts to push you away. But when you can, going back to a few confidence booster basics will help you both.
•The right kind of praise Descriptive praise tells your teen what he or she has done well and why you are pleased with them. For example, rather than just saying ‘Thank you’, go further and explain why: ‘Thank you for taking your boots off at the door, it’s stopped the carpet from getting muddy.’ This extra nugget of information helps your child to understand that they did something right and enables them to feel appreciated and acknowledged. Concentrate on the positive, encourage and reassure your child of their accomplishments. Teenagers are yearning to be accepted by you and their peers. Even if they may not show it...
•Treat the body It doesn’t help teenagers that all of a sudden, personal hygiene has become something they need to work more hard at. With puberty comes the arrival of body hair under the arms and around the genitals and in areas like these, bacteria can mix with the sweat from the apocrine glands to produce body odour. Additionally, other changes such as the increase in oil produced by the sebaceous glands on a teenager’s head mean that your child will suddenly feel a lot more smelly and greasy-haired.
Health and hygiene both can make you feel rotten if not in check, so encourage your teen to eat healthily (even though this can be a challenge) or consider a good multivitamin with Omega 3. Hydration is also important, water comes from foods as well as drinks (it doesn’t have to be just water) ensure your teen has toiletries they like, and a good face wash to help keep them top to toe nice and clean.
•Let them know where they stand Set clear rules and boundaries of what you expect of them, also make sure they know what behaviour is undesirable and won’t be tolerated. Both parents need to be consistent in this. Bear in mind that your teenager’s expectations and the experience of his or her peers will be different from yours a generation ago, and also that some amount of trust from you is vital, so think about the kinds of independence you feel you can grant, and that we will have to make a few compromises along the way.
•Be honest with them The world can be frightening and unpredictable, we need to try and eliminate as much stress as possible but also educate them in the realities of life. Let your teen know it’s OK to make mistakes; we all make mistakes sometimes. But we can apologise, learn from the mistake, pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off. This shows that you are listening and genuinely interested in what they are doing. This exchange of experiences and ideas shows they are important to you and will naturally increase their confidence.
•Have a giggle Do something fun together and laugh. Laughter can ease a tense situation and improve your relationship together, breaking down barriers and forging new bridges. It’s the reason why sitcoms are so popular – bringing family issues into our home for us all to watch and react to without need to raise the same kinds of frustrations directly with each other.