Expert view: How to stop squabbles
Parenting guru Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer offers top tips for household harmony.
Make 2011 the year you feel in control at the heart of your home. Elizabeth Hartley-Brewer’s book ‘Talking to Tweenies’ is published by Mobius. Here she shares her tips.
How do I stop my two children bickering? It’s constant!
Elizabeth says: This three-point plan will take the heat out of most arguments.
1. Don’t brush angry feelings under the carpet. Say, ‘You sound pretty fed up with each other.’
2. Listen and chat about their disagreement.
3. Don’t try to find out who is to blame, instead help them to find a compromise themselves.
How do I stop jealous battles for my attention?
Elizabeth says: Arrange one-on-one time with each child every day, doing something they love, whether it’s showing off their football skills or colouring in together.
What do I do when the play fighting turns real?
Elizabeth says: Step in without blaming. Say firmly, ‘Nobody fights in this house.’ Then focus on the child who has been hurt. Not the one who has done the hurting.
Savvy tip
If you do ONE thing: avoid comparisons between kids. This intensifies rivalry and can lead to more bickering. Instead celebrate how different and special they are, and list the wonderful reasons why. Then watch their self-confidence grow!
Pass it on – smart talk with pre-teens
• 8-12-year-old kids start to listen to their mates more than you. Never trash their mates (even if you’re sorely tempted), or try to choose their friends for them. Stay neutral and help them find out who their friends truly are. It will help build their confidence.
• Prepare for them to answer back. Tweenies are developing new brain skills. It may seem like they are being awkward and argumentative, but in fact they’re just testing their new talent.
• It’s now no good to say, ‘Because I said so…’ Kids this age are becoming better at reasoning. Explain the simple reason behind your decision and there will be less argument.