Expert view: Kids, teenagers and the Internet
Guest contributor Professor Tanya Byron gives SuperSavvyMe invaluable e-safety advice for parents and their children.
Our children are the digital natives and we are the digital immigrants. They are growing up online and we should be positive about the endless opportunities this gives them. However, greater technological knowledge about computers and the internet does not = wisdom about the online world in terms of safety and the management of risk.
Furthermore, kids can – if they want to – thwart our attempts to keep them safe – both offline in the real world and online. They know how to go to places and do things we can't. They also know how to get around any filters, blocks, or history settings we might use to manage where they go online. Therefore never think that there is one solution to online safety.
Internet by Age and Stage
In the early years children should be supervised at all times when online and only be spending about half an hour a day on age-appropriate sites like cbeebies. However, beyond 7 years activity markedly changes.
AGE 7-9:
• This is when greater web independence starts – kids in this age group will want to explore the web (surf); email each other and maybe IM (instant messaging).
• You still need to supervise and you can check your child’s web history (you’ll find ‘history’ in your computer’s toolbars) – until they learn to delete it that is. Remember that talking with your child and working with them is better than spying on them.
• Talk to your child about being safe online – help them think through all aspects of safety in terms of CONTENT (what they see); CONTACT (who they meet); and CONDUCT (how they behave).
• Set rules around ‘netiquette’. Help your child develop an understanding of digital communication and when and how it can turn nasty.
• Keep a filter switched on but be aware that kids can change its settings. In addition, search engines are not usually set to safe search as default – so make sure you do that. However because these settings cannot be generally locked off, check to see it hasn’t been altered.
• Don't let kids this age into chat rooms, play online games, or download without talking to you first.
• Work with your child’s school to understand their internet safety and teaching policies.
AGE 10-12:
• Children will begin to explore the digital worlds much more on their own for fun and also for school work.
• IMing is now very popular – especially for girls.
• Boys will be more into websurfing and exploring gaming sites and sites with funny content which may sometimes be inappropriate for their age.
• Kids may want to search sites were anyone can post their own content (called user generated content sites). Look at the site with them and set rules about content they can look at – enjoy looking together.
• If your child enjoys creating content discuss with them what they create and where they post it. Make sure they don’t put personal details into that content.
• Your child may start experimenting with social networks and want to set up their own profile. They are too young (the Social networking Site Acceptable use Policies [AUPs] set the lower age limit at 13.
• Here are some hints and tips to give your child:
CHAT:
• Don’t give out private details or personal information
• If anyone you don’t know wants this information tell a trusted adult
• Never arrange to meet someone on your own you have met in a chat room – they may not be who they say they are or even how old they say they are.
IM:
• Block people you don’t know and delete people who you decide you no longer want to have on your contact list.
• Keep personal details in your profile to a minimum – don’t give out details that would enable anyone to contact you or find you in other ways (e.g. at school, via your mobile).
EMAIL:
• Never type anything to anyone unless you would be happy to receive it yourself. Not seeing someone’s face can take away the ability for you to see how upset they are and being mean then becomes more of a ‘game’.
• Never open an email if you don’t know who it is from – it is called ‘spam’ and could lead to problems for you because it could contain a virus or pictures or words that are nasty and upsetting.
• Never give out personal details to someone who has emailed you – if in doubt ask a trusted adult to have a look at the email first.
• Also never send photos of yourself to someone you don’t know – even if they are saying that they want to be your best friend.
• Delete emails from people you don’t know straight away.
• If you are upset by or unsure about anything emailed to you – tell a trusted grown up.
GAMING:
• Check that the age classification for the game you are playing.
• Do not lie about your age in order to access adult online games – if you do your game accounts will be terminated and your computer use will be more strictly monitored.
• If you are chatting during a game make sure it is to people you know and like – if anyone you don’t know tries to chat or says nasty things to you, tell a trusted adult and report it within the game site.
AGE 13-16:
• It's entirely age-appropriate for this group to email, IM, surf the web, download, and play games.
• Developmentally, this is the time when they want independence and privacy as they try different identities and challenge boundaries. There is also heightened sexual curiosity and increased risk taking – this is a natural part of their age and stage of development.
• Encourage critical thinking skills and a sense of morality built around concerns for safety and the feelings and needs of others.
• Help your kids understand issues such as illegal downloads – the potential consequences for them and others.
• Trust is a big issue here – understand and respect your kid’s need for privacy via having educated them into being responsible digital citizens.
• As with how you are parenting them in the real world also have upfront expectations of behaviour and appropriate sanctions should trust be lost.
SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES:
• Make sure your child has read and understood the AUP (terms and conditions) of the site. Clarify with them aspects of the site in terms of: who can contact them and how they can manage that; the personal details they share – how much is appropriate; how they are creating a digital footprint via words and photos so help them think through their postings and possible long term implications.
• Privacy settings must be understood and set. For new social networkers, the settings should be at the highest level.
• While everyone wants to have an enormous number of ‘friend’s – discuss with your kids the quality of friends rather than the quantity.
• Enable your kids to think about postings from friends that may reflect distress or an intent to self-harm. Encourage your kids to discuss them with you and show them websites that provide help, advice and support for teens in trouble (young minds, the site etc.)
USEFUL WEBSITES
www.ceop.co.uk
www.thinkuknow.co.uk.
www.cybermentors.org.uk
© PROFESSOR TANYA BYRON – OCTOBER 2009