How to spot an unhappy child
What’s the difference between a child who is out-of-sorts and someone who is really unhappy? And what can you do to help?
Children have to cope with the inevitable challenges that arise with growing up, many of them are just passing experiences that they will easily get over. But what signs can we look out for to spot an unhappy child?
Behavioural signs
Has your child’s behaviour changed? Has your usually outgoing child suddenly become more introverted and quiet? Alternatively has your child who is usually placid suddenly become overtly hyperactive or aggressive? Is your child experiencing excessive mood swings? Or having an increase in nightmares?
Other things to rule out first: At times these will simply be the evolving child going through a life change with new demands at school, new friends or physically changing – you know your child best, you will know if something is not right. Trust your instincts.
We all have an array of these feelings at various times and we all go through off days. But a sustained change in behaviour should alert us that something deeper is going on and your child will need your presence and support to help them get through whatever is troubling them.
Physical signs
Is your child complaining of headaches or a continual spiral of small aches and pains? These could be signs of an unhappy child.
Other things to rule out first: It could mean that your child is unwell or about to come down with a bug so you will have to listen and gauge what is usual or unusual for the child. If you are worried consider asking a friend or your doctor (it’s helpful and reassuring to get a second opinion and you will feel better).
Fatigue can be a factor if your child continually seems tired even though you know they are getting a decent amount of sleep, which should be age appropriate approximately between 8-11hours. Pay attention to any consistent change in appetite (remember at times naturally your child will want to eat more or less, some times they are going through a growth spurt).
What can you do to help?
Children will unconsciously imitate your behaviour in stressful situations; you are their role model to help them cope, so it’s important to look after yourself because they will be copying you.
• Talk to your child, let them know that you are there for them and that we all go through ups and downs. Let them know it’s OK; you are there to help and support them. Try not to hover over your children, but make sure that when they are ready to approach you that you make time to stop and listen.
• If the problem is manageable, try to act on it decisively with your child, be positive and don’t make a big deal of it. It might be simply about encouraging play and laughter, create opportunities for social activities, be it sports or other activities where they have chance to make new friends and change their personal scenery around.
• Don’t feel you have to be a super-hero, if there is a more difficult problem you can’t fix on your own, talk to someone else. If your child doesn’t want you to share the issue with other people in the family, talk it through with an outside party, like a helpline. You’ll be a better support for your child if you feel supported yourself. (But importantly, bear in mind that if your child doesn’t want you to share the concern with his or her father, think about how to manage this – you don’t want to betray a confidence but also you don’t want to cause problems or resentment later on.)
• Issues that make children unhappy can be complex. Try visiting these great websites for more tips, advice and ideas on next steps you can take:
Dealing with bullies www.kidscape.org.uk
Children’s issues www.nspcc.org.uk
Internet safety www.safekids.com
Direct support for children www.childline.org.uk