dealing-with-breakups

Getting through a break-up

Psychologist Liria Ortiz offers advice for how to survive and move on, when a relationship ends.


Accept the pain

Before you can take control of your feelings, you need to accept them. There will be difficult times ahead but  you need to be confident you’ll survive this. It’s better to accept the pain you feel rather than fight against it. At times the pain may feel intolerable, but it will subside eventually.

It’s OK to "cry it out"

In the beginning, if it helps, stay home and cry. Give yourself time to mourn your relationship. However, a sense of balance is also important. “There should be a balance between feeling pain and being able to move on with life,” explains Liria. “Don’t try to move too fast, but eventually, you do need to take steps forward.”

Eventually, though, it’s time to go out again

Your initial impulse may be to hide under the covers for a month, but eventually it becomes a vicious cycle that’s hard to break. Go out with friends, take a walk, or go to the gym – keep doing things you enjoyed before. “You might not enjoy it as much at first,” says Liria, “but it is part of the healing process.”

It’s OK to obsess about your loss, but not for too long

Registration

Become a member of Supersavvyme and get exclusive offers!

Become a member

After a breakup, you are angry, sad and confused. You have a rush of thoughts and feelings that are uncomfortable and it’s common to keep going over these in your mind. When talking with your friends, though, you need to talk about other things as well. “Most of us eventually arrive at the point where we say to ourselves that we have gone through enough brooding,” says Liria.

Write it down

If you don’t feel comfortable talking, it may be useful to write down how you feel. Keep a diary – you can write freely there.

Start dating again

Knowing when you’re ready to date again is a completely personal decision, but it’s important not to try to fill the emptiness of your former relationship with a new one. Don’t rush. “Forcing yourself into a new relationship would be a mistake for you and for the other person,” says Liria.

Teenage break-ups

If you are looking for useful advice on how to help your daughter or son through a tough time, you could also read Teen milestones: heartbreak.

Complete your personal information

Please fill in the information marked with an asterisk to proceed; if you want to get tailored offers and content, don't forget to fill in the optional fields.

ren000

ren000

Reported

Time heals, there will a time when you will experience true love and true love do not break. We grown together , understand each other and move forward in the same direction.

  • Report it
Dizzi

Dizzi

Reported

My ex left me while I was in hospital having brachy therapy. I'd been diagnosed with an aggressive form of womb cancer aged 30. He trashed my house and stole £300. I was absolutely devastated. So when my 15 year old daughters bf dumped her last week because he wanted to go to a party without her, I knew instantly how she felt. I ordered us a take away, we had a pamper night watching movies and talked about her feeling lots. We had lots of cuddles and I let her stay in bed with me.

  • Report it

Having been dumped by my partner of 7ish years it was his words that cut me. I have acquired disabilities. I struggle with & never complain, I supported him through his low over debt, I let him talk and asked how he felt inside, as he cleared it and things got better. I expected our life to move forward but I noticed he was off with me. He told me I was holding him back. When he said he wanted what his friends have, I realised I'm low class, I am disabled scum to him as I can't work anymore.

  • Report it

My husband walked out on me and my son April 2015. it still hurts as much today as the day he went. I had counselling and was on antidepressants for ever, and I still hurs. He sees our son once a week when he can be bothered, if he hasn't got anything else planned with her, I'm ok with that, but it kills me each time he drops our son off and he leaves. Am I ever going to feel any better? At the moment i just want to kill the other woman. Our son, well I do my best for him.

  • Report it
Dalsie

Dalsie

Reported

I have a 16 yr old teenager, just broken up with her boyfriend and she is heartbroken. We sat and talked, cried and hugged, she's adamant they will get back together, but time is a great healer as I listened everyday to her feelings and confusion, she realised she was irrational at first but she can see a lot clearer now. It was hard for me as a parent not to judge or criticise the boyfriend but soon realised that listening and big hugs is the best support for my teenager.

  • Report it
Always